I Want the ASHES!?!

I couldn't attend the service and the study so--- I asked the pastors for a quick prayer and imposition of ashes prior to my rushing off to the study. Why was ashes so important to me? I usually leave them on as a reminder of my mortality. But, I didn't want to do that tonight - well I did want to - but I knew I wasn't going to because I didn't want to appear ?? proud-

Sooo-- I was late for my study but I wanted the ashes! Not sure why - it's just a symbol- but I did- so, I interrupted the pastors' service preparation and made myself late in order for a pastor to wet/smear ashes on me reminding me that I'm dust. She did it in the office and I almost laughed when I looked at her because in my crazy rushed mind, I had this thought- I thought she was rushing too and was going to lick her thumb and stick it in ashes and swat it on my forehead- I'm laughing now- But I didn't laugh then- Why was that so important to me? Maybe because I've gone to ash wed services for many years- It's really like Lent just doesn't begin without a little dust on my head- It takes the ashes for me to really get it- "slow down-" She even said it- "take a deep breath" I don't know- maybe I just needed reminding that God's grace is sufficient- Maybe I needed it to begin a time of contemplation- maybe I just needed it to say God, I'm mindful and humbled and grateful for you-God have blessed me richly. So after a brief prayer, I rushed out and drove rapidly down the highway to the study- I turned the radio off, wiped the ashes that I wanted so bad from my brow, and said-more than said, "Holy is your name."
And- I was thankful the pastors rushed around and stopped service preparation long enough to help one person- a nobody like me to remember.

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from God comes my salvation.
–Psalm 62:1